sâmbătă, 29 martie 2008

tyrant...

Why do some things hurt to the bottom of your stomach? And why is pain actually situated in the abdominal area? If you stop to think about it...so are the so-called butterflies... So do all strong emotions have gastric origin?
I tend to believe it's all in our heads...nothing lower than the brain can actually be linked to any sort of...activity...of the spiritual kind...ironically...no link to the "heart" as far as I'm concerned. And....i stop to think.....what happens? What makes it all....go away....and come back....and then go away again? Sometimes causing irreparable damage to the stomach, other times....passing through like a drink of water. And boy...does that ever make us thirsty...
No biological explanations for me, please...i'm just not up for it. I just wonder....do we have some kind of disk fragment? that does a periodical clean-up? and leaves...shadows? like memories....or scars on the gastric mucosa? sometimes they heal....but i guess it's only fair to get gasthritis every once in a while. Not cancer...as people get...very frequently these days. That isn't fair...and...i guess it's a matter of not getting it....rather than getting rid of it. Eating healthy....not getting involved...and all that.
Then again....you only get one stomach...and you'd better use it...otherwise you might starve and then what would be the use? So drink, smoke, eat junk...hope you'll get enough time to enjoy it all.
love, cry, scream...

joi, 20 martie 2008

God really has a sense of humor...

It's just one of those times when i know and feel stronger than ever that God does exist...or some other spiritual entity...under all the names that humankind has produced in order to retain some kind of memory or attestation of His existence. Faith, of course, is necessary in order to perceive what his influence really is in your life...and certain people dismiss this as being the work of your own mind. If you're expecting something to happen, then naturally something eventually will happen....and get interpreted as divine intervention...
But let's not talk about God as He is not really the focus of my attention right now...
Hasn't it ever happened to you...that important stuff came along when you really weren't expecting it? Sometimes i guess we lose focus...on certain things...be they work-related, relationship-related, family or health related, and then...something usually happens to bring your attention back. Nobody ever truly expects to develop cancer...lose a close relative...or on the other hand...find true love when you're trying to focus on some exams....or have great success at exams...due to the ending of a relationship. It's a lot of bla, bla i've presented here....but these mixed up feelings are what i'm getting right now.
I've just realised....that when i wanted something badly...i didn't get it. When i held on too strongly to one thing...i lost it. Whenever in the back of my head...i thought that something might happen....it never did. And then again...when i really didn't care anymore...i got the best results...when i didn't care too much...i did ok....and when i started caring just a little bit more...i screwed up.
That's the irony of it all...and....things should never be taken for granted....cos the guy up stairs has a strange sense of humor. The conclusion would be.....if i could somehow make one up out of the confusing stuff i've just exposed...that...how you perceive your goal...is crucial and will determine to what extent you will accomplish it. The way i see things may not apply to all people...some might always get what they want...i've gotten lucky a few times myself...
Although i've determined this...and realised that there are certain rules and ways to failure and success....i can't really change the way i feel about things...in order to always succeed. And what would be the fun in that anyway?